In my practice, I've observed that many clients struggle with setting boundaries. They often express feelings of hurt in their relationships, feeling powerless when trying to communicate their true concerns, fearing they might worsen the situation or face ostracism.

Whether it's a coworker criticising you or shouting at you, making you feel insignificant, or friends judging your decisions, these experiences can erode the security and support you desire.

I understand that pain. Sometimes it feels like disappearing is the only option, or you may fantasise about retaliating against those who hurt you. Yet, in reality, you are the one suffering.

The inability to set and enforce boundaries can have long-term consequences on your mental health. You may notice increased anxiety, whether at work, where you feel mistreated, at home, where you feel unheard, or with friends who judge or mock you.

These experiences can severely impact your self-esteem. You might start believing you're unimportant, not good enough, and that compliance is your only option. This traps you in a vicious cycle of being hurt or exploited and feeling small, insignificant, and powerless.

But what if this scenario could change?

What if you could learn to set boundaries with others and be yourself without fear of marginalisation?

Imagine how that would feel.

Let me guide you through this process:

1. Awareness: Awareness is crucial. If you aren't aware that a boundary has been crossed, you can't address it. You'll sense something is wrong but won't know what.
2. Communication: While awareness is vital, communication is the most challenging step. It requires courage and vulnerability to talk to someone who has hurt you, because:
   • You don't know how they will respond, and that's frightening.
   • What if you muster the courage to communicate your boundary, only to be ignored?
   • It can trigger old wounds, like those of rejection or abandonment.

Many people stop here. They communicate their boundary, feel overlooked, and continue believing that nobody cares.

But this is only halfway through the boundary-setting process. So, let’s carry on with the next step that would make the difference!

3. Negotiation and Implementation of Consequences: Simply communicating your boundary is sometimes insufficient. There needs to be consequences for those unwilling to listen. You must inform them of what will happen if they cross your boundary again.

Let me walk you through the whole process by giving you an example:

• Awareness: Recognise how you feel in the situation.
• Communication: When both of you are calm and receptive, express your feelings: "I feel like my voice doesn’t matter, and no matter what I do, you don’t hear me when you act this way."
• Negotiation: State the consequence: "Next time, if you keep shouting and won’t listen, I will have to leave the room because there’s no space for me in this discussion."
• Implementation: If your partner repeats the behaviour, follow through by leaving the room.

Setting boundaries is complex, with underlying wounds and fears. If you want to explore more about how to set boundaries, have safer relationships, and feel more secure and confident, let's talk.